We seriously hope you weren't  expecting a polished show this time, kids.  We're talking about a most unsatisfying lunch break, the joys of calls from the maternal units, the continual tech-tardedness that plagues the kast, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000375/">Robert Downey Jr.</a>, our plea for listeners to remind Susan Z of your listener numbers, listener feedback, and how everyone on the Kulture Kast is a winner.

See you kids at Balticon!

Please direct your refund requests to 1-266-888-2229

We're not even pretending we have a topic tonight, kids. We are seriously all over the map -- talking about alcoholic slushies, open container laws, nipple barrels, the going rate for Biscuit-touching (cash only), Little Richard, Caprica casting spoilers, sonic screwdrivers, chicken cutlets, and the dangers of irony. Listener poll: Do only old people use the word "spry"? Tell us in the comments! Promo: Biscuit Slash Madlibs Jam at Balticon! Give us interesting slushy flavors. 1-266-888-2229

This one’s pretty random and more than a little raunchy, kids. We’re talking about coffee and cream, the new album from Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (the title track, Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! is available from The Podsafe Music Network), Biscuit's recent appearance on Mr. Adventure at RavenCon, some cheery pandemic scenarios from Dr. Cmar, the terrifying truth about clowns, Biscuit Slash Limericks (penned by Joe K of Feral Chicken and read by Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit), the amazing white chocolate spark plugs that Viv of Into The Blender made for Biscuit, and the upcoming Biscuit Slash Madlibs Jam at Balticon. Promo: Nocturnal Tell us an off-color joke. 1-266-888-2229 Not subscribed? Listen here.

It's just Biscuit and Susan Z this week -- let's see if we can remember how to do this without a guest, shall we? First of all, we explain how and why Susan Z is a digital pimp in training. The other big thing we talk about before the break is the new Star Trek movie. Listener feedback includes an awesome Biscuit/Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit piece from Jack Jaffee.

Promo: Christiana's Shallow Thoughts

You know you want to. 1-266-888-2229

All right kids, here's the listener feedback section of episode 45. Earl Newton stuck around for the voicemails this week. We got groovy feedback from Choochus, Jack Jaffee, and Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit. You talking to me? 206-888-2229

Hide the silverware and lock up your daughters, folks, we've got renegade independent director Earl Newton on the show this time. This is Part A, where we chat with Earl about "Latchkeepers", the upcoming kickass episode of Stranger Things that was penned by Matt Wallace. Since we run a classy operation around here, we also talk about putting your hands down your pants, The Singularity, what makes Earl a tease, the Biscuit Slash Madlibs Jam, penis-shaped gear shifts, the mile-high club, and getting to the bottom of the Earl Newton/Rich Sigfrit conflict. In Part B, releasing tomorrow, we'll get to some listener feedback and so on. Promo: Stranger Things, of course Don't be a tease. Put out for us aurally. Call 206-888-2229

We're talking about fricking laser beams and the awesomnimity that was the season 4 opener of BSG (major spoiler alert, kids). We also have listener feedback from Andrea and Jack Jaffee of 12 Volt Theater (who has a bone to pick with Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit), as well as a mention of the KK Outtakes that are up at Requiem Of The Outcast. And Susan Z has a political discussion with the maternal unit. Promo: Metamor City Feeling lonely tonight? Call now! 206-888-2229

Fasten your seatbelts, kids, we've got Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit on the show this time. We're trying to get to the bottom of the Earl Newton/Rich Sigfrit feud that has developed from Rich's leaking of some behind-the-scenes footage of the latest Stranger Things (featuring a script from Matt Wallace). We're also talking about all kinds of random stuff and we deal with a backlog of listener feedback including an outstanding new Biscuit Slash piece from Jack Jaffee. There's even a preview of a Biscuit/Rich duet. Going to Balticon? Make sure you're free for the Biscuit Slash Madlibs event! Pencil in Saturday at 10 pm, kids. promo: 12 Volt Theater Voicemail may not equal love, but it can equal friends with benefits. 206-888-2229 Not subscribed? Listen here.

ETA: There was a problem with some feedback/static in the second half of the show.  I've edited it as best I can, but it still pops up in intervals.  Sorry about the noise -- I hope you'll find it's worth it.

Before we even get down to business this week, Susan Z relearns an important lesson about not f*cking with your production machine. This one might be a bit rough around the edges, kids, but then, what else is new? We're talking about Jericho, the eagerly-anticipated Season 4 premiere of BSG and Reaganomics (srsly). We have a ton of listener feedback and the premiere of the very first Kulture Kast official ringtone! The ringtone will be up on the site in a day or two. Promo: SOBCon Voicemail has a two-drink minimum. 206-888-2229

This one's going long kids. The first half of the show is all about Stellarcon. We're talking about Michael Stackpole, Podcasting's Rich Sigfrit, Christiana Ellis, Joe Komenda, Geek Radio Daily, and the reason Biscuit and I need personal assistants (hint: it involves our no-show for the live performance of Mr. Adventure). And you haven't lived until you've witnessed Chrisopher Walken and Sean Connery singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" at Klingon Karaoke. 'Nuff said. After the break, we respond to the massive outpouring of feedback we received in the last week. Command Line takes us to task for Henry Rollins, Andrea takes us to task for neglecting to mention the awesomnimity that is Robert Hawkins on Jericho, Choochus makes his case for a listener number, and brand-new listener Jack Jaffee has a few things to get off his chest. Promos: Steampunk Spectacular AND J.C. Hutchins Ultra-Creatives Voicemail is almost as good as beer. Almost. (206) 888-2229 Not subscribed? Listen here.

It's episode 40 kids, and we're recovering from Matt Wallace's latest appearance on the show, so we're changing things up a bit. To kick off the show, we are spoiling the hell out of Jericho. It's a love-fest for Season 2 and we are discussing lots of details, so seriously, if you haven't watched the show already, skip ahead to the 34 minute mark. Oh, yeah, and there's some listener feedback. Holy shit, check out the Kulture Kast wiki! This show proves that drunk dialing is fun. Try it for yourself! 1-206-888-2229

Sorry this one's a little late -- there's a flu hanging around the Z compound that knocked Susan Z on her ass. Matt Wallace is bringing the harshness again, kids. We're talking about his upcoming anthology The Next Fix, how you can become a Variant Fiend, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, the first Biscuit Slash Madlibs from Nobilis, the potential Kulture Kast wiki, latent racism, comedians stealing from other comedians, and various other atrocities. Promo: The Next Fix, of course The K7 problems seem to have been resolved. 1-206-888-2229

We're talking about The Coreys, good headphones, Biscuit Slash Madlibs from Chris The Fixed Kitty, the British Parliamentary System, dancing monkeys, widdershins vs. deosil, Terry Pratchett, The Jackal, Rebel Without A Cause, problems with our K7 line, the return of Matt Wallace, Stellarcon (14-16 March in High Point, N.C.). No promos this week. You can try to leave a voicemail at 1-206-888-2229, but no promises we'll get it, kids.

We're talking about a random collection of stuff this time kids, so the the show notes are just gonna hit the highlights for linkage purposes. First, if you donated to Matt Wallace's emergency computer fund, THANK YOU! Some other things discussed are cordarounds, the latest developments in Biscuit slash, Kingdom of Loathing, zefrank (the show and his current blogging), and the surprising upswing in quality in The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Somewhere in the middle of all that, we talk about the sheer genius that is crevette's deconstruction of Night Travels Of The Elven Vampire -- good news! The author has self-published a new, pornier rewrite called Eternity of Blood and crevette is doing a chapter by chapter review.

Give me the podcast. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Garageband City to take back the podcast that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great... You have no power over me. You wouldn't believe the trials we endured to bring you the podcast this time, kids. It all started with a simple little Mac OS X update. It eventually involved two separate recording sessions, a clone/clean install of Angus MacBook, recording in ten-minute sprints in order to use a trial version of Audio Hijack Pro, and an upgrade to Garageband '08. Well. So, it's a little late, and it's a little rough, but you'll understand why we persevered when you hear the awesome content provided by Listener #11 and Nobilis. Enjoy!

Thanks again to Matt Wallace, who made last week's show the best damn show so far. This one's going to be considerably more low-key. Susan Z has some shopping etiquette tips, we both coin new words ("surpristicism" and "hubric"), the phrase "Boo-Yaa" is uttered, 20 pop-cultural obsessions even geekier than Monty Python, our responses to listener email (a bit of clarification on listener numbers -- do you have yours yet?) and a couple of voicemails. We love love love feedback, kids. Thanks bunches! Don't forget to submit your Matt Wallace/Biscuit slash, and we will archive it on Biscuitonia! Breaking news: Matt Wallace's iBook has died on him, and he is in desperate need of some funds to get a new computer so that he can keep turning out the awesome work. If you have a few bucks that you can spare, please go here and donate to the cause, as a favor to both of us here at the Kulture Kast. promo: Nocturnal by Scott Sigler. Drunk dialing can be fun! 1-206-888-2229

Apologies for the audio quality on this one, kids -- I had no idea how bad the echo was on our end until the interview was over. If you can bear with it, I promise it will be worthwhile. Why? Because we're talking to author, podcaster, and all-around badass Matt Wallace this week.
This one is absolutely not safe for work, kids, or the easily offended. Serious. In addition to pimping The Next Fix (forthcoming from Apex Publications), we manage to cover the sanctity of Matt's nipples, grammar fetishists, Threesome, teat-sucking, the etiquette of weekend bail-posting, Caged Heat, our feline overlords, cougars and cubs, Jeremy Sisto bringing the harshness, the Shadiggitron9000 Institute of Awesomeological Research, the ultimate suckiness of Ultimate Fighting, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Variant Frequencies, and J.R. Blackwell's vintage-style pin-up pics of our number one fan Andrea.
Promo: The Metamor City Podcast

We're talking about some heartwarming childhood memories, Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures (aka Biscuit's new job), Kingdom of Loathing, Biscuit's radio-edit cussing and Susan Z's potty-mouth, The Podcaster Smockdown, the upcoming Steampunk Spectacular, Psych, unreliable narrators as explored in The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense (if you have been living under a rock and haven't seen either of these, um, spoiler alert). No promos this week, but special thanks to Chris The Fixed Kitty for our shiny new vamp tracks! Be sure to check out all new episodes of The Adult Space Child Free Podcast. Voicemail lines need love, too. 1-206-888-2229

This one's pretty random, kids. Biscuit just got back from a vacation, and Susan Z is clearly in need of one. A few things mentioned in the show include RealDolls, the lie of Zicam, Susan Z's childhood beverage experiences with coffee and beer, why helping with homework sometimes equals free booze, the strange allure of Stilton, Matthew Wayne Selznick, and we play some voicemail from our #1 fan Andrea. Once again, we forget to include the phone number in the actual podcast, but hey, it's always in the show notes. Put it in your speed dial, kids! Actual important announcement: Mike Nelson has been doing some cool stuff with RiffTrax, but you need more riffing goodness, right? The original cast of MST3K is back together for a new project called Cinematic Titanic. You can get the dvd through EZTakes. Promo: Morevi Remastered Feedback or surrealist knock-knock jokes should be left at 1-206-888-2229

After some general angst about bad birthdays, worse ex-boyfriends, and the joys of travel-related illness, we begin by exploring Biscuit's budding career as a sitcom recapper and Susan Z's limited career as a wino at the marketer's place once they find out about the podcast. We're finally talking about BSG: Razor and it shouldn't be surprising that we disagree about many of the particulars, but we agree that Season 4 can't possibly come soon enough. Check out the fan-wank about the BSG: The Last Supper pic for EW (original pic here, fan wank here, here, and here). We try to critique Journeyman, but it devolves into an unashamed lovefest for a show that might just be too good for network tv. Also, Nobilis is officially listener #18, and we manage to plug the voicemail number in the body of the actual show (just for you, Matthew Wayne Selznick). Promos: Into The Blender and Playing For Keeps Leave us feedback or porn reviews at 206-888-2229

Get comfy kids, because this one is running long. We're off to a rocky start as we compare notes about our family Christmas visits. But then we welcome new listener Brian and get down to business. We're talking about the joys of retail, cabana boys, Journeyman, BSG Razor, pr0n, how very NOT weird Susan Z is, odd presents, and summer sausage. Plus, we have voicemail and blog comments. Also, we're thinking about giving you guys your very own fan numbers (yes, we are totally stealing this idea from J.C. Hutchins), so speak up and be counted! Last but not least, Susan Z would like to clarify that she loves her sister very much and in fact, relies on her sister's extensive knowledge of the proper way to do just about everything. Promo: Space Casey Leave us feedback or dirty limericks on our shiny voicemail. 1-206-888-2229 (Seriously, we love dirty limericks)

We begin the show on a high note, what with having to start over on the recording twice. This week, we're talking about Susan Z's stint doing the intro for 7th Son (trivial knowledge and Google-Fu FTW), plans for a Podcaster Smackdown, Nathan Fillion and Vaseline and/or Crisco, Balticon, retail during the holidays, the Z axiom of douchebaggery, the Cohen Brothers movies, No Country For Old Men, the sacred ground that was the X-Files, why does your hair have to be that color? and some other deep-seated questions...

Promo: Nocturnal by Scott Sigler

We've got big news about Christiana Ellis -- she signed a book contract for Nina Kimberly The Merciless and you heard it here first, folks! Biscuit adds to the English vocabulary in much the same way that Shakespeare did. We talk about some of the latest developments in the WGA strike and online resources like United Hollywood and Fans4Writers. We totally gank The Geek Fu Morning Show's famous vamping (thank you, Mur and Jason!) more than once in the show. Shamelessly. Another serious note? Henry Kravis as the focus of The War On Greed.

Ready for some silliness? So were we. While the podcast Will Write For Wine has grown-up stuff like writing improv exercises, the best part is listening to Lani Diane Rich and Samantha Graves read wine labels and make stellar recommendations like The Pursuit of Excellence: Ferrets. Amazon.co.uk has delightful and absurd reviews for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, and Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black, EACH -- take the time to explore these, kids, and you won't be disappointed. Paul S. Fischer of The ADD Cast twittered a holiday video called IN UR MANGER KILLING UR SAVIOR.

Lastly, another reminder of the Discovery documentary series The Rise of the Videogame, which unfortunately leads to both of us bitching about how young geeks today have no understanding of their geek roots.

Promo: Space Casey Got dirty jokes or ferret weights for us? Call our shiny voicemail at 1-206-888-2229

Hang on kids, we're gonna get spoilerific on your asses. If you haven't watched the latest episodes of Heroes and Journeyman, you might as well stop right now. When it comes to Heroes, Susan Z and Biscuit disagree on just about every point, yet manage to find some common ground. With Journeyman, it's pretty much a lovefest. If you haven't been watching this show, you have something to look forward to if the WGA strike continues into the new year. There's a brief mention of the smart and sexy fun that is Burn Notice (alas, it will be quite some time before there is new Burn Notice content). Also, we drop some hints about upcoming episodes. Agree? Disagree? Hit us with some feedback here, at kulture.kast@gmail.com, or on our lovely voicemail at 1-206-888-2229 Promo: Playing for Keeps